Josh and I are in the car going to IKEA.
When you live in the city this is a big deal. This is like road trip big deal. This is like you are going to bond on this experience of going to IKEA big deal.
Josh, he's a good friend. He's been there for me through all of this. Plus, he's a business partner and we have this synergy. You know, that energy that is created when two people just get each other perfectly. We finish each others sentences. We tell jokes only the other gets and we make each other feel better in times of need. He's pretty much the perfect boyfriend.
Except he's straight.
So, we're in the car listening to the radio.
"So, I was thinking." I say. "I think you would be my perfect boyfriend."
Josh is silent. (He doesn't mind these conversations. He's a cool guy.)
"I mean. Look at us. We don't fight. We get each other's humor and we don't need to fill silences with something. Plus we can go shopping at IKEA together!"
Josh is silent.
"What?"
"Nothing." He says.
"What?"
...well... I just don't think we are like a relationship."
"WHA??!??!"
"See, you do some things that, if I were seeing you all the time every single day, I would totally hate which would most likely cause us to break up."
"Like what?"
"I dunno..."
"Like what? What do I do?" I shriek while making a sharp right turn on to the interstate.
"Nothing... I'm just saying... being friends with someone is different than being with someone..."
I sit and sulk for a second.
"Like what!? What do I do that bugs you?"
I realize this. Josh is a smart man. A real smart man. He will not tell me the things that annoy him because then I would apologize about those things or dwell on those things or quiz him on instances about those things.
I also realize this. IKEA is even farther away when you try to figure out what it is that drives Josh nuts enough to faux break up with you.