Archives for the month of: February, 2008

In the classroom I teach in there is a globe broken in half. One half rests on Africa the other half cradles on Mexico. The globe sits on this shelf by the door next to the tissue box, a box of stale Saltines and a spiral notebook with the cover falling off.
Every time I tell my students to journal they do it in complete silence. And while they do this, I stare at the globe. The way it looks like an orange sliced in half. How, for the last four weeks I have been in the classroom, the globe has not been touched or even attempted to be put back together. Or how, when I pointed it out to a student one time when they asked me what I keep staring at, she said: “Yah, that’s what my world feels like.”
I grew up with globes that were always put together. They spun really fast when I would take my fingers and force them in a direction. I would close my eyes and slam my finger randomly on any point. The globe would halt and under my finger print would be some body of water or land mass where I would announce: “This is where I will totally go one day when I am rich and awesome.” It was what I did to escape fifth grade or seventh grade or even high school. It was a way I told myself that one day I would make it and be in that place I always wanted to be in… somewhere far from where I was… somewhere better for me. The world, when I was younger, seemed so flawless… so attainable… so easy to hold.
But globes can’t spin when they are in pieces.
So, the other day I bring super glue while the kids were at lunch. It was the kind that sets as soon as you smooch whatever you are gluing instantly. I grab the globe and set it in my lap trying to line the crack perfectly. England’s half touching it’s other. Antarctica starts meeting up along the bottom. I struggle with trying to match up Russia. I uncork the glue and trying to cleanly mesh the seam. But the globe keeps slipping–the glossy coating slides against my jeans. And just when I think I have one part holding steady, the bottom starts slipping out… the globe falls back in to pieces.
After fifteen minutes, I give up and put the globe back on the shelf. Defeated, I now ignore the pieces as I walk in and out of the classroom.
When you’re twenty-five, it’s funny how much different the world can look.

Hold two puppies at the same time. PUPPIES!!!!!!!!puppies.jpg

You can watch this music video over and over again because cold medicine and lack of sleep make it even more trippy than it probably actually is:

You can see how long your beard can get since you haven’t left the house in two days and really shaving is another step a 101 degree fever doesn’t have time to do.
You can watch Sex and the City from the very first season and sigh at the end of each episode because even in your haze of not eating in a few days, you still can recite almost every line in perfect timing and you still laugh at all your favorite parts as if you’ve never seen the show before.
You can call people with your raspy voice and leave voicemails not saying who you are and leave people guessing who you are because you sound nothing like yourself at all.
You can figure out your neighbor’s schedule. He gets up at 7am and then takes a fifteen minute long shower and flushes the toilet and then walks around his apartment for a half hour and then is gone until about 6pm and then makes his calls as you can hear him laughing or yelling or chatting and then he watches t.v. and goes to bed around ten. You will hear this perfectly because you will have nothing better to do.
You can read the magazines that you’ve been buying, but letting pile up because you have been working here or meeting these people here or writing this for that or editing this for that. Plus, magazines are good because they are short and when you are sick you nap every 3.5 seconds. Thank God for editorials that last only a page and a half or I would get nothing done.
You can journal. You can write stuff while hopped up on medicine and lack of sleep and then the next day you can come back to it and say to yourself in that raspy voice you are prank calling people with “What the hell did I write?”
You can have your laptop on your lap and even respond to emails because if you don’t respond to some peoples’ emails they think you are dead and then it’s that whole Tom Sawyer thing where he fakes his own death and then falls through the rafters at his own funeral while his Aunt Polly is delivering a eulogy or something… except it’s nothing like that because I’m not dead or faking death I just wanted to use a Tom Sawyer reference right now.
You can update your myspace profile and facebook profile so it shines to perfection and then realize no matter how sick you are, doing this has just wasted seven million seconds of your life.
You can contemplate all the things you are going to do in the future that will take better care of yourself so you don’t wind up in this situation again.
Then you can think about how much you want to go out and have a glass of wine… or three.

Because I love each and every one of you equally if not exactly the same, I wanted to share with you my latest published story in NO TOUCHING MAGAZINE. It’s a great magazine. It was a great launch party and, um, I think it’s a great story. But I can say that… because, it’s my story and it can be great if it wants to.
READ IT HERE

Published in NO TOUCHING MAGAZINE, January 2008
When I moved to Chicago, I thought my life was going to be like Carrie Bradshaw’s from Sex and the City.
It was fall and my first semester of college. I was nineteen, naive and believed I was going to own rows of shoes that cost more than my rent and only freelance so I’d have enough time to sit around to contemplate my relationships. I’d have a theme song that followed my morning routine. I even picked out a studio apartment, one that was a square and had a bathroom that shot off in the back through a walk- in closet. I gave up a one bedroom because Carrie Bradshaw didn’t need a one, so why should I?
This is what gay guys do. They pretend they’re imaginary female characters. Let it go.
But reality set in after a few months. I realized that I was lucky if I could make enough money to pay for my studio, let alone buy a pair of shoes that cost the same. Contemplating your relationships all day will drive you to a place where they lock you up and don’t allow you sharp objects. And let’s face it – that theme song they play as Carrie struts down Fifth Avenue – it gets old after the tenth time you hear it, especially when you don’t have the cute shoes you thought you were going to be strutting in.
My life was not Carrie Bradshaw’s. Not even close. The truth: I was making myself miserable with my high expectations and I wasn’t happy. Home was supposed to make you happy; therefore, Chicago could never be my home.
And so there was a time when I almost gave up. I almost packed my things back in the boxes I brought them in and picked up the cell phone, the one I could barely afford, and dialed my parent’s number to move back home, back to the small town I grew up in. I even had the imaginary conversation with them rehearsed perfectly in my mind. I wasn’t, of course, going to allow them to think that I had given up, seeing as they were totally against me transferring to an art school in Chicago and living alone in a slightly “unique” neighborhood. I had to prove it was “uncontrollable circumstances,” and not that they were right all along. That conversation would go like this:
“Mom, yah, hi… yup… Got your voicemail… Sorry I didn’t call back… Yup… I’m alive… I know… I know… The city can kill you… You’ve said it a million times… Anyway…. uh… I got something to… uh… well… I’m moving back home because… I know… it’s only been a few months of living here… but… I… I need you closer in my life…”
With that, mom would’ve scheduled herself a trip from Wisconsin to save her son from his poor decisions.
So I set a deadline: finish the rest of the week before I made that call. That was three days away.
And I was OK with this. I was OK that within three days I was going back to the small bedroom I grew up in; that I’d always dreamed one day I’d escape from. The room that used to have posters of Alanis Morrisette and Fiona Apple; with burgundy carpet that was matted in places where furniture had sat for too long. I was going back to the house and the city and the state and the safety that I’d been planning on escaping from all through high school.
But really, I wasn’t OK with it.
And so that night I called a friend who seemed to always have money even though she never worked (don’t ask) and had a plethora of fake IDs (don’t ask) and always, I mean always, knew how to make a boy feel good. Her name was Rachel and she looked like Penelope Cruz without the accent. I’d met her in my Intro to Photography class at Columbia where we bonded over the fact that we both thought Posh Spice was so obviously the best Spice and had hung out on whims ever since. She wasn’t one of those dependable friends – the ones you call when the seventh boyfriend breaks your heart or when your electricity goes out because you haven’t paid the bill. She was one of those friends that called you in times she needed you and those times always came with booze. Wasted. Puking. Hangovers.
Exactly what I needed before I headed back to the prison I had chosen to return to: Home in Wisconsin.
“Meet me at 2455 North Ravenswood at eleven tonight, ‘k babe?” Rachel screeched into the phone, as she was already at some bar when she answered. I could hear loud rock music and the sounds of people playing pool. I imagined a cigarette in her hand.
“Why? What’s there…?” I yelled back.
No response. She had already hung up.
I stood in my closet with a towel wrapped around my waist and water dripping off my body contemplating whether it was worth my time to go out and meet Rachel. If I was leaving for good, I’d most likely never see her again as she had openly admitted, “I don’t do suburbs or anything without a Prada.” As I flipped through shirt after shirt on wooden hangers, I decided that I had nothing better to do than see what this Ravenswood was all about. See, I was still new to the city and didn’t know much about the neighborhoods. I was willing to give this a try.
Don’t get me wrong – Ravenswood was cute, but had nothing. I found this out after I was dropped off by a cab at the address she had given me. The area was desolate. There were houses with porch lights on but looked like no one was home. The fall wind pushed leaves over the shadows from trees that decorated the sidewalk with the use of the occasional street lamp. Power lines hummed. Yeah, it was that quiet.
I stood there in a cute, black, tight-fitting “man gett’n” t-shirt and jeans and looked at the note with the address, written on the back of a grocery list, and then looked up at the area again. I was in the right spot but there was no one around. I had imagined it to be like Wicker Park: booming with late night bars and the scent of spilt beers and cigarettes and the sounds of people laughing or yelling and the scuffing of expensive shoes on the sidewalk.
I was snapped from my daydream as a car’s headlights raced down the quiet street. From a distance, I could hear tires squealing at the turn and heading right for me. I jumped off the curb to a yard and then the car screeched to a stop. It was a green Jeep Wrangler with its top down. Two people were in it. One was a guy with black dread-locks who introduced himself as Ted. And the other was my Penelope Cruz-looking friend, Rachel.
“Get in!” she screamed as she threw open the Jeep’s door and pulled me in to the backseat. The radio was blaring some looping techno beat as I was raced off to some unknown location with Rachel, probably on too many Vodka tonics, and the guy driving the car, Ted with Dreads, screaming lyrics to the beat of the music coming out of the stereo while high.
“Where are we going?” I asked over the wind layering itself on our bodies as we drove faster down a quiet one-way street.
No one answered. Rachel lifted her arms over her head like a belly dancer and kept her eyes closed like she was in her own trance. Her black hair blew over the Jeep’s seat and wild around her face.
These kids were fucked up on something and I had only two choices: be a nerd and spaz out or share the buzz. I chose the first.
“Guys! Where are we going?” I squealed again. I was about to freak out from the fact that Ted With Dreads was driving with his eyes closed and singing down a one way street in the wrong direction, when the car came to an immediate halt. I didn’t have my seat belt on so I tumbled to the front of the car from the backseat, right on top of the stick shift.
“We’re here, yo,” Ted With Dreads said as he pulled the chunks of his black matted hair behind his ears and hopped over the Jeep’s closed door on to the street.
“Where is here?” I asked brushing my shirt’s wrinkles out. Rachel finally came out of her trance and said, “Here, man… here.” She pointed to this giant elementary school. The building was historic and in the late night dark looked like it was a million years old, with its column pillars and its many steps that led up to the large wooden door set under an awning that said “Barker Elementary”
“A school? I don’t get… it,” I said. I was shaking from the chill of the wind the Jeep ride had given me and suffering with nausea from the sudden stop of the car.
“Let’s go,” Ted With Dreads said and raced up the stone steps to the front door. His baggy jeans rode low on his ass and exposed his boxer shorts. Rachel followed. She was wearing this evil white short skirt that showed plenty of leg and these red heels that like, clicked at every jump she made up each step and a top that barely hid her breasts.
“We’re going to a school? Seriously?” I was ready to run the other way and get back home in just enough time so that I could get up early the next morning to start packing and get the hell out of the city that let me down. Being at an elementary school was proving the fact that this city was lame and that the only way you had to have fun was to play at a school.
“No. We’re going to dance!” Rachel screamed, pulling lipstick out of her purse to reapply. Ted With Dreads got to the large oak front door and rapped on it with his fist loudly.
“What the hell, you guys? This is fucking ridiculous!” I whined again.
The door creaked as it pulled open. In the distance I heard a repeated thump. Aa bald guy with tattoos and his lip pierced peeked through the door.
“What’s up?” The guy asked.
“Willy Wonka,” Ted With Dreads said.
The guy looked him over, then Rachel, and then me.
“Go ahead.”
“Willy Wonka?” I whispered to Rachel.
“Yeah, it was code word.”
“For what?”
“To get into the party, silly!”
As we walked down the dark hallway surrounded by metal school lockers, we finally reached these double closed doors; you could hear the bass of the music beating into your chest. We opened the large wood doors and there, inside what was the school’s gym, were hundreds of people, dancing to a DJ who was spinning records in the middle of the room.
The space was dark, but highlighted by these shooting laser lights – blue, pink, green, yellow – that hit all the walls and bodies who were dancing in clumps to trance-like music. There was the smell of pot. There were kids with insane haircuts. Then there was me, in utter shock. It really was a party.
“Are we supposed to be here?!” I screamed into Rachel’s ear. A cocktail had magically appeared in her hand. “That’s the fun!” She screamed back. “They totally broke in here… no one knows we’re here!”
Holy. Shit. I had just broken the law.
This was scary for a boy who just moved to the city and hadn’t even been out drinking and partying at legal places, let alone places that were, um, breaking in to schools (where little kids play dodge ball!).
“We have to go!” I yelled to Rachel. She was smoking a cigarette that had also magically appeared into her fingers and was now eyeing up some sweaty-looking guy that was wearing chinos and flip-flops with curly hair and licking his lips to get her attention.
“You go!” She screamed. “We’re staying.”
Pissed, I started heading towards the door to leave. In that moment, I pulled my house keys out of my pocket. I looked at the apartment keys laying in my palm. For another few days this apartment was still going to be mine. Then I was leaving everything. Was that how I was going to end the story of Chicago? Packing and giving up?
I decided to give the rave a try. I looked back towards Rachel’s direction to tell her I was going to stay, but she was completely gone. I frantically searched for her, and then one of my favorite songs came on and I had this feeling of relaxation swish over me. It was like fate, where you feel like you have to participate because it was like you were meant to participate—some other power was in control.
I swayed my body towards the middle of the dance floor. No dance partner. No friends. Just the music and me and the shooting colored lights hitting my face at uncalculated times. My eyes were closed and the smell of pot and sweaty bodies and the feeling that we were all there sharing the same moment vibrated through me. I felt free. I felt forgotten about. I felt like I could just be whoever I wanted to be. For the first time, I was happy. I didn’t want to be Carrie Bradshaw, be anyone else, or have any expectations. I just wanted to feel bliss – like this moment – forever.
But suddenly, the fluorescent gym lights flickered on and some girl shrieked, “POLICE! RUN!”
I looked toward the doors we had entered, disoriented by the bright lights, and saw at least twenty-five cops dressed like they were raiding a riot, with large bullet proof shields blocking their faces and beat sticks and guns aimed at all the chaos of dancers and druggies and partiers scurrying around like ants that just had their hill crushed.
People were stomping on each other and screaming as if they were being chased by rabid cougars, pushing to get closer to exits, any exits. But I was frozen. I’d never been caught by the cops doing anything wrong and my first instinct was to stay put because running from the cops was a bad thing. I had seen it on that reality TV show “Cops.”
But my other instinct, “Fuck, I don’t have bail money,” kicked in and I darted toward the door.
I ran to where a slew of people squeezed out of one door, which was opposite of where the cops busted in. I could hear the officers barking, “STAY PUT OR WE WILL SEND IN THE DOGS!” then barking as German Shepherds were sent in to collect us perpetrators, shredding our jeans and pants by the ankles and gnawing at the sensitive skin on the heels of our feet.
But I just focused on the door, pushed my way out through the drunk and drugged mess.
Then, as I was just about to kick a hippie girl and some skinny gay kid wearing glitter and butterfly wings, I felt a huge hand grasp my shoulder. I squealed and my stomach dropped. I immediately imagined my pristine permanent record that in my mind was held under glass somewhere, clean and crisp and white, now marked up with red-penned PERPETRATOR and set on fire. The good kid I was, deleted in flames!
I turned around and it was Ted With Dreads, showing me an exit on the other side of the gym that no one had noticed.
“We’ll get in the Jeep, but I lost Rachel, man!” He told me while we ran alongside each other.
But as we raced toward the door, I turned to find that Ted With Dreads was taken down by a giant German Shepherd that was shaking his leg in its jaw. Ted screamed in pain and as I exited the building, I could hear him scream: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not the pot!!!!!!!!!”
Escaping in to the night felt like drinking a glass of cold water when you’ve been sweating for hours. I was breathing heavily and shivering from fear and my brain swirled with all the possibilities that could’ve happened: jail time, fines, a scar on my permanent record, major dog bites…
Then, in the quiet walk home with the chill of fall tackling my bare arms, my head began to calm. I was blocks away from the mess and realized this had been the best night I had in all of the time I’d lived in the city. I had expected nothing and that was the key. All the expectations I was putting on the city and on myself were blocking the moments where life was actually happening. For the second time that night, I felt happiness. I realized that I couldn’t move back to Wisconsin. Because Wisconsin was no longer home.
I then imagined a new phone conversation with my mom in my head:
“Mom, yah it’s me. I’m staying in Chicago. I know… I know… You hate me being here. But, you know what… this is my home.”

At a drugstore Valentine’s Day aisle around the corner from my apartment:
Mom: Which Valentines do you want?
Boy: These.
Mom: Hello Kitty ones? Those… those are kind of girly. How about… Spiderman?!
Boy: Nope.
Mom: How about Transformers?
Boy: No.
Mom: Snoopy?
Boy: No.
Mom: Harry Potter?
Boy: No.
Mom: You really want the Valentines that are made for girls?
Boy: Yes.
Mom and boy turn down the toothpaste aisle. I give the little boy an imaginary high five for sticking to his guns… like any little boy who likes girly things should.

Because while making these:
valentines.jpg
I was listening to my ipod. Here’s the thing about my ipod… we don’t tend to think alike. So, there is theory people have that your ipod can sort of sense what you are feeling. Then, when you hit shuffle, the ipod takes you on an emotional journey while holding your hand–like a lovely uplifting encouragement card at Hallmark–and you bond on the fact that a computer generated playlist is as if you were creating it in your very own at that moment.
My ipod and I don’t have that.
See, my ipod is cool. It works. It does it’s job. But we aren’t friends. We never have been. I think I got one without a heart. If I’m sad it plays the wrong music–something usually really rough and aggressive–punk rock almost. If I’m really excited and ready to take on the world… it plays something like Snow Patrol that, while great, is just not right for a moment when you are taking on the world. Taking on world music is something like Janet Jackson’s “Control” or Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”.
I’ve given my ipod many chances to spoon me in its music choices. Seriously, man, I’ve played it on shuffle while at the gym… Damien Rice comes on. Who works out to slit -your-neck music? Or, when I am on the crowded el and this guy that has breath that reeks of Dorritos… that he at three months ago… you need positive music. You know, something jumpy and beat driven that will say to you: “You’ll survive this moment, I’ll get you through this!” And my ipod should race through the thousands of songs I have and play something that will keep me not passing out. Nope. Tori Amos.
I’ve given up. “Yo, ipod, you win. I’ll do my own DJ-ing.” I’ve thought while letting it shuffle while I’m in the shower and only hearing Christmas music… in the middle of June. And we’ve been fine since. I have no expectations out of it and it has no expectations out of me. Like a dried up marriage, I’m happy with it… but the oh-my-god-can-we-please-have-a-spontaneous-moment-of-brilliant-ear-sex-with
-music-you-have-chosen-and-I-don’t-have-to-create-myself moments in a really long time.
But then today. I wasn’t in to the mood to pick any artist in particular. So, I said:
“OK, ipod. I’m not in the mood to deal. So, screw me over with your selfish choices of tunes and I will make my Valentine’s to whatever you have in mind.”
And then it happened. It was as if everything I’ve ever known about my ipod had been something I made up. My ipod played… really good Valentine/Love songs while I cut and pasted and drew my cards.
Really! I’m not joking here. It’s as if the ipod finally got it. If we want to really enjoy ourselves together… we have to work together. We have to prove to each other that we believe. Ipod realized that Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday… and what better time to prove its love for me.
The list it played:
“I Believe In A Thing Called Love” The Darkness
“Constant Craving” K.D. Lang
“Magic Moments” Perry Como
“Something About Us” Daft Punk
“On Your Side” Pete Yorn
“Love Hangover” Diana Ross
“This Woman’s Worth” Maxwell
“If I Can’t Have You” Zero 7
“Love Me, But Leave Me Alone” Jewel
I know! I am not shitting you! It played in that order with no control on my part at all. The first two songs played and I laughed a little. I thought I was getting my leg pulled… then the third… the sixth… and then it was the last and I was flipping my shit out. I was doing it! I was at one with my ipod. This mythical experience I only thought was a Apple ploy to get people to want to be in love with ipods was true.
It was amazing.
The cold is making me lose my mind.
Just humor me.

I’ll admit it. I kind of cried a little.

So, yesterday I held a baby that was 1.5 days old at a hospital. And for that thirty-five minutes of holding a 1.5 day old baby looking at little finger nails and tiny baby yawns, I realized that holding a 1.5 day old baby might be on my list of top five greatest things to ever get to do in life. So, now my list might go like this:
1) Accept yourself for exactly who you are
2) Having someone say they love you and you say it back because you really truly mean it.
3) Hold a 1.5 day old baby
4) Skinny dip
5) Have a mentor and being someones mentor and actually changing their lives
And as I left the hospital walking down Michigan Avenue dodging busy people who had not just held a 1.5 day old baby, I realized that at 25.5 years old to1.5 days old we are are exactly the same no matter how many years are between us. There are so many things we get to do and sometimes you are lucky to realize how lucky you are– in that exact moment– to get to do the things you are doing.