The other day I lost my wallet.
OK, it was one of those situations where I thought I lost my wallet and then I realized that it could be one place and if it wasn't there... I had then lost my wallet. But, this one place was my friends car and her car was at work and she worked until, like, eight so I had to wait a whole day to see if it was in the side of her car or if I was going to have to call cancel two bank cards, two credit cards, a Zipcar card, sacrifice a gift card to a design store, lose my license that I had had since I turned sixteen that has a picture that--I'm going to go there--people compliment me on and I am proud of, a few dollars in cash, and a picture.
The picture. It's a picture of my grandma.
Sentimental, it fits me so well. I'm the type of guy that keeps first date corks from bottles of wine. I'm the guy that keeps the ticket stubs and the concert bills and posters from events I went to and even hotel stationary. I have all of my yearbooks and even the love notes that I used to pass back and forth to my very first girlfriend in high school.
But that stuff stays in albums or boxes tucked away to be discovered when you are looking for something in particular or when you want to prove to someone you still have what you are reminiscing about. The photograph of my grandma, that's in my wallet.
I call my brother to, well, whimper.
"So, yah. For the first time ever... I think I lost my wallet."
"Shit..."
"Yeah, and, the thing is... sure I'm freaked out about all the cards... but you know what's in it...?"
"What?"
"That picture of grandma..."
"Oh..."
"Yeah..."
"Why do you carry that in the first place?"
And for a second I paused to take a breath to explain that: "Duh, because I want to think of her all the time and having her in my wallet is a way that I can do that..."
But then I stopped because I realized why, for the first time, I really carried her in my wallet.
Everyday we use cards to pay for things. We get in to bars with IDs. We have receipts stashed in corners of our wallets in case we need to return... we keep just living life pushing forward trying to get somewhere or get something. Everything in our wallets are usually so functional... business cards or train tickets or something that we need in the moment... something we have to carry to succeed.
My grandma was totally that person who pushed me to succeed. Like a debit card, she gave me the power to get what I wanted when I wanted... without the overdraft fees. But carrying her is like carrying a membership card or a credit card with no limit-- it gives me this confidence that I belong somewhere... and that I am always going to be able to get somewhere.
When my friend told me she had my wallet I was relieved, yes, that I didn't have to get a new ID-- GOD, do you know how hard it is to take a picture at DMVs... I only hear about the horror stories. But I was excited to have my grandma back... even if only she's a piece of paper tucked behind my Visa.
