This morning I woke up to the sound of pigeons having sex.
Now, to be fair, I am not a scientist and actually don't know if the sound I heard was really that of two pigeons doing the nasty at five in the morning, but the cooing didn't sound like they were just having a first date. And let me tell you, it wasn't just a cute coo. It was like a "I haven't gone to town in, like, months with another pigeon" kind of sound. Which if you're wondering what this sounds like... it sounds like this: Coo! COO! CooooO! coo! COOOOOO! Co. Co. Co. COOOOOOOO!!!
You might be asking yourselves, now, what does someone do with a situation much like this one? Well, when it is five in the morning the only real answers you are going to get are from Google.
What I googled this morning at five in the morning: "Pigeon sex".
Now, if you're a first time reader or, you know, are the feds trying to watch my back then realize two things: a) I googled this phrase because I wanted to be accurate in this blog knowing whether I heard pigeons having sex or if it was just trying to talk to me. And b) I have fetishes(we allllll have fetishes) but mine do not involve pigeons. Clear? Clear.
Anyway, I find this:
It's a video entitled "Pigeon Porn". Yes. Pigeon porn. One more time for the cheap seats in the back... pigeon porn. By now it's five fifteen and I am watching pigeon porn in bed. I would like to state two facts here: 1) If I were not alone in bed, this would have never happened. I would have rolled over and covered my face with a pillow and 2) People tape pigeons having sex.
So, it got me thinking about being single. Of course.
Sometimes there are those moments in your life that you will not share with someone. You know, the moments when you are completely alone and the only other person there to appreciate it or go through it with you is yourself. It turns in to this moment of "DAMN! No one is ever going to believe this or think this is real..." and it's just this weird bond you have with yourself... that inside joke only you and yourself will ever get. Lately, these moments have been happening more often because, well, I'm alone more often. And the great thing about that... it's OK. Growing up with a close family and living with roommates... you never get to have those kind of moments.
But I also got to thinking about how I like to sleep. Being the new bartender I am, I know how to stand my ground a bit more these days. So, I open the window land scream at the supposed horny birds: "SHUT UP! It's five in the fricken morning!!". I see them two window sills down. They do actually shut up and then fly away around the corner of the building down the alley and all is quiet again... until I play the pigeon porn before I fall back asleep... then the room is filled with my laughter... and cooing.