This was my phone conversation with Josh this morning:
Josh: Hello?
Byron: I have a mouse in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: A mouse in your house?
Byron: A mouse in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: Are you sure?
Byron: It's a mouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: In your house.
Byron: IN! MY! HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: What is this? A nursery rhyme?
Now, I'm not the type of guy to freak out about these sorts of things. Hey, show me an emergency medical technician's workbook with people missing body parts and I'll probably say something like: "COOOOOOOOOL." Or have baby poop smudged on my arm. I'll probably say: "GROOOOSS" but I wouldn't freak.
But a mouse. In my house? No. No no no no no no nope. No way, man. NO!
I mean I'm a clean guy! Clothes, yes, clothes are all over the place and sometimes all my shoes and some books but I'm not dirty! And it's not because it's a mouse and I'm all not about those. Actually, I think mice are adorable. They remind me of hamsters and I've always wanted a hamster. Well, not now. I did when I was kid, but my mom was all "No." and I was all: "Why?" and she was all: "Because they look like mice." And I was all: "Exactly!"
But they have cages and they are welcomed as pets. They don't just show up in the cabinet under the sink without at least an Evite squeaking it's shitty little squeak at nine in the morning while I'm just waking up!
Plus, I have to figure out what to do with him. You know, I'm not a killer. I mean, come on. He's probably really sweet and plus he looks like a hamster and you know that drill. I can't even think about seeing the cute mouse that doesn't belong in my house in a sad little trap or starving on sticky paper. It's just... it's just so sad... and so un-Buddhist of me. And if I was a Buddhist this would be even more true.
Byron: SO WHAT DO I DO?!!?!?!??
Josh: Well, see if it keeps coming back and if so you're gonna have to get rid of it.
Byron: How?
Josh: You know.
Byron: Josh Eisenberg, I swear to God if that mouse shows up in my bed with me... I will freak my shit out.
Josh: Well maybe he's a good spooner. You know how you love your spooning.
Byron: No. I've already had my fair share of varmints in my bed.
Josh: Mice?
Byron: Boys.