I did it with Josh the other day and now, because apparently I have no dignity, I will do it for you.
I love Miley Cyrus.
Sigh.

I think it has to do with the fact that at the age of fourteen I feel I should have been famous… or at least had a music video. Well, I did. But they were on my Dad’s camcorder(because that’s what we called them back then, “Camcorders” and not DVR’s or Digital Recorders or whatever ten year olds are calling them when they are using them at the zoo! YES THE ZOO! A kid that had to be only ten years old was using one of those things that aren’t camcorders to film the penguins! WHAT?!) and I would set the tripod up and pretend that I knew all the words to songs by Milli Vanilli and I would imagine myself famous and on MTV when MTV wasn’t about really really really really bad and over-exposed Real World episodes and were more about really really really cheesy music videos that VJs like Bill Bellamy and Dan Cortese and Downtown Julie Brown would introduce.
But now I have to be twenty-five and an adoring fan of a girl that has veneers at half my age.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN NEW CITY MAGAZINE, JUNE ISSUE
Our Pride Parade is about more than just celebrating Chicago’s out and proud citizens–it’s also the best place to spot true sartorial brilliance. But whether your fashion sensibilities lean big and bold, or veer more subtly stylish, nothing is hotter than incorporating a bit of philanthropist chic into any ensemble. On Sunday, when milling through the swarms of proud gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender folk, make a statement in some of these top designs we found at a variety of GLBT organizations. Because being sensitively fashionable is so in.

Homos are a Hoot
This Chicago-based t-shirt (originally designed for National Coming Out Day) was such a hit that the designers went into multiple reprints to keep up with the heavy demand. If you’re not already in love with the slogan, you’ll fall for the adorable chocolate brown owl on this baby-pink vintage-cut t-shirt. A large chunk of the money raised by the purchase of the shirts goes to local community organizations that help fund LGBT equality. (homosareahoot.com, $17)

Christian Siriano’s Fierce Equality Tee
“Project Runway” champ (and king of the catch phrase) Christian Siriano has teamed up with the Human Rights Campaign to create an insanely stylish one-hundred-percent organic t-shirt that flaunts a hand-drawn design of “Fierce Equality,” a superhero Siriano created just for this collection. Think a high-end version of a Threadless t-shirt. Two color options–gray and a basic off-white–will make it easy to pair with any wardrobe item. Here’s the best part: it’s signed by Siriano. You’re literally wearing a piece of art. (hrc.org, $38)

Until There’s a Cure Sterling and Leather Cord Bracelet
Through all the Pride Weekend fun we can’t forget the bigger issues. Until There’s a Cure, an AIDS support foundation, worked with New York jewelry designer Kerry MacBride to create a chic, high-end bracelet that looks like it stepped out of a boutique accessory case. Featuring a sterling silver plaque etched with an AIDS ribbon strung on leather cord, this accessory will dress up any outfit. (until.org, $95)

This was my phone conversation with Josh this morning:
Josh: Hello?
Byron: I have a mouse in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: A mouse in your house?
Byron: A mouse in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: Are you sure?
Byron: It’s a mouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: In your house.
Byron: IN! MY! HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh: What is this? A nursery rhyme?
Now, I’m not the type of guy to freak out about these sorts of things. Hey, show me an emergency medical technician’s workbook with people missing body parts and I’ll probably say something like: “COOOOOOOOOL.” Or have baby poop smudged on my arm. I’ll probably say: “GROOOOSS” but I wouldn’t freak.
But a mouse. In my house? No. No no no no no no nope. No way, man. NO!
I mean I’m a clean guy! Clothes, yes, clothes are all over the place and sometimes all my shoes and some books but I’m not dirty! And it’s not because it’s a mouse and I’m all not about those. Actually, I think mice are adorable. They remind me of hamsters and I’ve always wanted a hamster. Well, not now. I did when I was kid, but my mom was all “No.” and I was all: “Why?” and she was all: “Because they look like mice.” And I was all: “Exactly!”
But they have cages and they are welcomed as pets. They don’t just show up in the cabinet under the sink without at least an Evite squeaking it’s shitty little squeak at nine in the morning while I’m just waking up!
Plus, I have to figure out what to do with him. You know, I’m not a killer. I mean, come on. He’s probably really sweet and plus he looks like a hamster and you know that drill. I can’t even think about seeing the cute mouse that doesn’t belong in my house in a sad little trap or starving on sticky paper. It’s just… it’s just so sad… and so un-Buddhist of me. And if I was a Buddhist this would be even more true.
Byron: SO WHAT DO I DO?!!?!?!??
Josh: Well, see if it keeps coming back and if so you’re gonna have to get rid of it.
Byron: How?
Josh: You know.
Byron: Josh Eisenberg, I swear to God if that mouse shows up in my bed with me… I will freak my shit out.
Josh: Well maybe he’s a good spooner. You know how you love your spooning.
Byron: No. I’ve already had my fair share of varmints in my bed.
Josh: Mice?
Byron: Boys.