They say: "Patience is a virtue."

I think "they" must have had a lot of time on their hands because this weekend will mark the one year anniversary of ending a four year relationship. It was this upcoming weekend where everything in my life completely flipped ranging from changing addresses to which part(usually down the middle) of the bed I slept in. It was also in this upcoming weekend that was a catalyst to where I am at this exact moment: In a new apartment sitting in my bed and listening to my music as loud as I want because there is no one else here to tell to live my life differently.

But while alone, I have noticed that I have been waiting.

See, the old school of thought is that you need that "other" to make it better. So many people in my life have already found that "other" and do all the things that he or she have been dreaming, but now as a pair and without fear of doing it alone.

"We just had to do it." My co-worker says one afternoon making his french press coffee at the gallery I sometimes work at. He's in his mid-thirties and reminds me of that teacher that would let you swear in class. "We wanted to go to Africa... so we went..."

"I would love to go to Africa... that's been a dream." I say back to him sipping on my cooling latte.

"Then go. What's stopping you?"

"I don't want to go it alone."

At night I still do that thing with the pillows. You know, where you line them up next to you and wrap your leg around them as if there was someone who has always been there is there. I don't do this to be pathetic. I do it because that's how I liked to sleep. Dave and I had a full-sized bed. There wasn't much room, but there was plenty of room to cuddle. And in this past year, I've been OK with that. Not having someone there to cuddle. Not having someone there to always eat dinner with. Not having someone there to tell me that the lady on the bus who glared at me because I bumped her exposed knee was just a bitch.

But I'm not OK with not having someone there to do the things I've always wanted to do with my life and letting that stop me... like travel.

So as a birthday present to myself/"one year of hell and you're going to be fine in the second year of being on your own" gift, I purchased a trip to New York. I've been before, actually with Dave, but lately I've been wanting to go back and just see in a different perspective. A few weeks ago I swallowed the whole "I've really never done the whole traveling on my own thing" fear and bought the ticket.

And for the first time I don't really feel like I have to wait.

When I told my mom this she said something like: "Wow... I just... I just don't think I could go to a big city on my own. Aren't you nervous?" I took a sip of my ice water and looked around the patio we were having brunch and really took a second to think about it. Was I nervous? Fuck yeah. But instead I told her something like: "Well, if I wait for someone to go with I might have to wait a long time... because I want a good thing... and you know the saying.

Because, in the end, patience is really a virtue. Not when it comes to stopping your life waiting for someone else, but when it involves being patience in finding someone really good to slow down your life to let them jump aboard.

And unlike us, life doesn't have the ability to be patient and won't wait for anyone.