When I call home my parents put me on speaker phone. In theory, this is a brilliant idea. It's all conference- call-eqsue. High productivity-ness. Multi-tasking-ish. But, in reality, it's, well... it just never works. Never. Ever.
Me: Hey, mom!
Both Mom and Dad: Hi B!
Me: Ohhhh, great, you're both there... this is always fun when we do this...
Mom: Well, do you want to have to tell the same stories twice?
Me: Can't you tell one and other the same stories?
Dad: No... she never tells me anything. Only the bad stuff. Like your toilet.Did you ever fix your toilet?
Me: Yeah... I...
Mom: B, I tell him the good stuff too! Come on, Dennis! You know I tell you the good stuff!
Me: I...
Dad: Well, you only tell me the good stuff if I ask him the good stuff and then you fill in with the good stuff that you know about his good stuff and I look like a doofus.
Me: I...
Mom: B, I tell him the good stuff...I really do!
Dad: Yeah, like your broken toilet. That's the good stuff I get to hear...
Me: Well... my toilet...
(In the background two large dogs are barking insanely at the doorbell.)
Me: I can't hear you guys anymore!
(Barking.)
(Barking.)
(Barking.)
Me: Hello? Hellllloooooo?
(Random chattering and struggling and sounds like elephants pushing walls down.)
Dad: Sorry, B. The neighbors from next door are here... good talking to you! Love you!
Mom: Love y...!
Me:Hello...hello?
CLICK.