Woman on cell: Hey, baby, I miss yooooooooooou.
Silence from other side.
W.O.C: Do you miss me?
Silence.
W.O.C: What?
Silence.
W.O.C: Then I don't miss you!
Silence.
W.O.C: Of course I miss you. I'm play'n.
Silence.
W.O.C: Why didn't you say you missed me?
Silence.
W.O.C: Oh... She's there with you... right now...
Silence.
W.O.C: Well, I don't want to get you in trouble with your girl.
Silence.
W.O.C: You miss me, baby?
Silence.
W.O.C: What?!

Josh is like a plastic surgeon to websites.

He did this all. My vision. He is brilliance. Dude. He rocks. Hire him.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it right now. I'm totally going to totally do it.

I'm about to admit something that, every time I think about it, makes me bust in glee.

I. LOVE. Felicity.

Yes. The television show.

O.K. Here's the deal.

When I was in high school, I wasn't gay. O.K. I was gay, but I wasn't gaaaaay. As in, well, I wasn't officially gay to anyone else. So, at that time, I thought I couldn't be who I am today. You know, the guy that finally understands he can like things that he likes and not worry that it might be too gay to like a certain something ( See: Alanis Morissette, over-priced grooming products, crying to Love Actually, Felicity). See, Felicity was one of those shows that all the girls were always talking about. The whole "That's who I'm going to be when I'm in college." kind of discussion.

In case you don't know what Felictiy is, here is a fifteen second explanation: Felicity is a timid frizzy haired girl who has overbearing parents that want her to be a doctor. On high school graduation day she gets the nerve to talk to the gorgeous guy that she's had a crush on for the entire four years of high school. He tells her he is going to New York. She decides(on a whim) that maybe she should follow him instead of her parent's dreams and ends up in New York with her parents hating her and discovering that the guy that charmed her in to going to that college actually has a girlfriend and doesn't remember that particular moment that changed Felicity's life. That leads to Noel, who is her R.A. He's the adorable goofy type that adores Felicity. Enter love triangle. Entire growing pains. Enter drama. Enter AMAZING SHOW!

OK. So now you know. Here's the deal. I'm obsessed.

Not only is it great writing, it's just visually stunning. See the other thing you may not know is that Felicity has this friend that she sends cassette tapes to (Hey! It's the 90's) and her friend's name is Sally... and they say the most beautiful things to each other and my eyes constantly well up when I watch this show and it makes me happy and it makes me want to become wiser and it makes me want to be less angry and frustrated and more evolved and educated and it makes me want to go to college again.

OK. There. I said it.

This show makes me want to go back to school.

I haven't thought about that in awhile. But particular circumstances have been leading me to new ideas. I'm terrified. And much like Felicity, I don't know if it's the right road to take... going back to get a masters... struggling... working hard... but sometimes you never know until you do it.

If it's not going back to school... it may be traveling abroad to teach for a bit. I need to be challenged. I need to not feel like I am following a path. Lately, I feel like something needs to terrify me to remind me of me. Maybe I need to find something that scares not to feel so lost.

Sometimes art imitates life. Sometimes life imitates Felicity.

The other day Josh invited me over to he and his wife's house to play Wii.

Yup. I had to spell it out-- "he and his wife's house"-- mostly because I am still getting used to it. He's married. He has a wife.

It was a beautiful wedding. She's a beautiful woman. And now every time I see him, he's wearing a ring. Which, is also weird. Mostly because Josh isn't the type of guy to accessorize. I've never seen him wear a watch. I mean, really, he goes as far as a tie and I'm blown away.

What's even stranger is that he seems all grown up. Not that he wasn't grown up before, but having a ring on makes you seem more grown up. So does having a wife or having a serious electric mixer or having a Crock-pot OR having this giant flat screen T.V. And when I say giant, I mean 'CAN YOUR NEIGHBORS SEE THAT SCREEN FROM THEIR WINDOW?'

He's has grownup toys. Josh is all grown up. Come to think of it, we are both grownups.

In the last year a lot has changed. And when I really start to think about it, in the last eight years a lot has changed. It's not until moments like seeing your best friend married or trying to decide what the next leap for yourself may be where you sit back, cross your arms and say: When did we grow up?

After lunch Josh loaded the Wii.

"What do you want to play?"

We peered through the options and I screamed: Tennis!

In past summers, Josh and I played tennis in the park by our house. Honestly, we both weren't that good at it... but it was something we loved to do. We hadn't gotten to do it all this past summer. When you're grownups, time seems to move too fast.

Within minutes Josh and I are swinging our arms like crazy knocking the video game's ball back and forth laughing and tripping over ourselves. It was like when we used to play outside. We were just having fun. We weren't married Josh. We weren't single Byron. We weren't "grownups with new changes on the way". We were just Josh and Byron having fun.

Because whether it's in a game of Wii tennis or the game of life, sometimes we have moments where we don't have to define ourselves. Time seems to force us to make big decisions and strategize how those decisions are going to play out. Why not try to slow down and just live in a moment? Like the little worlds we can get lost in while playing a game, we need to find those those moments in life where we can just forget that we have bills to pay or dinner to make or big life choices to decide on. We just need to have fun.

It's usually in those moments where you realize that maybe you never have to really grow up. You just have to play along.

My friends call it "Hate Date '08" because the year I ended a long-term relationship with my boyfriend was the same year I decided to go on the worst dates of my life.

"You should just...just get back out there!" my friend Miles says when he buys me my third beer at this hole-in-the-wall joint in Wicker Park. Miles always knows a good hole-in-the-wall (which should have been a sign not to listen to his advice). "I date as much as possible!"

Continue reading article here!

Urban Legend is a weekly relationship column written by Byron Flitsch and printed in Chicago's UR Chicago Magazine. Click any of the titles below to be linked to that particular column.

An Advocate.com exclusive posted December 17, 2008

She's best known for playing the role of an outspoken, eccentric, overbearing PFLAG mom on Queer as Folk, a tough cop named Cagney on Cagney & Lacey, and most recently the mouthy mother on Burn Notice. But Sharon Gless has returned to gay and lesbian audiences playing a new kind of role: an actual lesbian.

Read the complete article, here.

Caleb is walking. OK. Just take a second and digest that. Caleb. Is. Walking.

You may not know Caleb. So him walking may be as exciting to you as hearing that it's sunny out. But, Caleb is this guy. The coolest little guy that I occasionally get to hang out with when his mom and dad are out saving the world... or working. We've had many bonding moments. I've fed him. I've rocked him to sleep. I've baby danced with him. I've schooled him on America's Next Top Model. And, now, he's walking.

I met Caleb a year ago last week. It was in the hospital. He was almost as long as a sub sandwich and as small as a wiener dog. It was snowing outside. It was cold. It was awesome.

Now he races around the house while going through cabinets and trying to open any locked door he can get to. It's insane to watch how every single thing he sees or touches intrigues him. Pots and pans? Amaaaaaaaazing. The dog's tail? Amaaaaaaaazing. My socks. AMAAAAAAAAAAZING.

I think it's one of the best things to watch. It's a new brain totally being formed.

Anyway, I said he was walking which is cool because, uh, he's walking. Walking is good. Walking is awesome. Walking. Is. Exhausting. And I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about me.

"Yo! Caleb, let's read!" I'll exclaim excitedly while watching him jet towards the dog.

Nope. He wants to walk. Everywhere.

While he finally wore himself out and took a nap, I slouched in the couch after only two hours of chasing after him. I couldn't stop thinking about Megan and Christopher, his parents. They do this all the time. They both work full-time jobs, have tons of outside stuff going on, and chase after a baby. As I tilted my head back and closed my eyes I kept thinking: Damn, they're good.

Then I started to think about my parents, especially my mom . While growing up, my mom stayed home. For a good eight years, she chased after my brother and I day after day. This was her job: 1)Get up. 2)Make sure her boys have a fun morning chasing after the family dog or going down the slide or rolling around in blocks or reading stories or crawling in to empty boxes or run in this direction and then that direction and then here and then there. 3) Nap 4) Do it all over again.

Every. Single. Day.

While getting a half hour of quiet time, I finally understood why my mom is who she is. Why it was hard to watch me go to my first school dance. Why it was tough to see my driver's license picture. Why she cried while helping me unpack boxes in my dorm room. Why she hugs me longer and longer the more I see her.

Because she had all that time to chase after me while protecting me from sharp corners, stove doors and falling to hard on my butt. Now, she has to let me chase after the things I want most in life: love, family, friends, career, kids, vacations in exotic places where the hotels are pricey and the drinks are strong.

We grow up fast. We start walking. We start running. Then all of the sudden we are racing along in life forgetting how we got there.

When Caleb woke up from his nap, I fed him pineapple pieces.Which, as a kid, were my favorite. He babbled on about, well, something and smiled at me while trying to share his pineapple(which, rumor has it, he loves too). It just sorta felt like it was his way of saying "Thank you". I couldn't help but smile back.

That night, on my walk home, I called my mom.

"Hi, Mom? Thank you..."

"For what?" She responded sounding a little bit confused.

"Pineapple."

I have this hero. Jenna Eisenberg(cough, buy her book, cough). You may have heard of her? No? Well, you should.

Anyway, aside from all her success at being an amazing person, she's also an amazing life motivator in the sense that, uh, she has changed my life and perspectives on so many things. She's just one of those people that I feel instantly recharged after seeing or speaking with.

She's also the person that introduced me to really believing. No... not in Scientology(though, uh, wouldn't that pretty freaking awesome if I was all coming out to the world that I wanted to be a Scientologist and that this whole blog thing was going to be devoted to that. Did I say awesome? I meant terrifying. Unless, you know, you're a Scientologist reading this... then, I meant awesome... to the rest of you... I meant terrifying.). Anyway, she introduced me to believing in the power of lists.

This isn't really a new revelation. I've been writing since the age of six(ahem, a story about two dinosaurs that fell in love). I've been writing lists for just as long. Christmas lists. Grocery lists. Chore lists. Things to accomplish in life lists. Movie stars I want to marry lists.

"I just have so many things I want to do... and I feel like it's all cluttered up in my head. So many different types of things, too." I say to her on one of our phone conversations.

"You need to take a notebook and make different lists in different notebooks," She replied,
"You have to put it out there visually, so the world can see and read it too."

What I think she meant was, you know, the metaphoric world. BUT, I figured it couldn't hurt to put out to the literal world, too.

So the other night in an active attempt at saving a bit of money and cure the slight party-with-my-bestes-too-much-lately bags under my eyes, I lay in bed writing lists. Tons of lists. If lists could have babies, I was the nursery.

It was one of the most productive feelings I'd ever felt.

I decided that it could be kinda fun to share some of those lists here. When I say "fun", I mean, you know, fun for me. BUT, maybe it's a way for you to make list. And when I say "you", I mean Scientologists.

Here's the first list of many many many many many.

List of things to accomplish while being single

Go to the movies alone(I know. I know. It's pathetic this hasn't happened yet)
Go out to eat at dinner alone(this one gives me chills... I know... I know)
Start an IRA
Buy a bigger bed and know what it feels like to roll around by myself with room
Learn how to fold a fitted sheet to impress new relationship guy
Teach abroad
Volunteer abroad
Get rid of credit card debt
Buy a real piece of furniture
Kiss someone with an accent
Have a weekend getaway with myself

You should see this. You really should be seeing this.

In the Midwest, the winters are brutal. Duh, Byron. Duh. But sometimes something happens. I don't know if the winds blow a different direction or Weather God looks down on Chicago and says: Dude, I've been rough on them for far too long. Here! And then Weather God sprinkles sixty degree temperatures on to Chicago, but today is a day you should be seeing.

Everything is thawing. The sun is shining. People are smiling. Dude. People are smiling. One more time for those that aren't catching my drift: People. Are. Smiling.

Don't get me wrong. People smile in the Midwest. Actually, we are smiley people. We just don't smile in winter when it's negative temperatures and when we are questioning why we even live in this sort of climate. It's almost as if we go in to a frozen state ourselves. For almost, what, four months we begin hardening. It's almost as if we are freezing from the inside just to acclimate with our environment. Our brains function on different levels in the cold. We turn in to walking winters.

But it's on days like this where you see why people choose to live in Chicago.

Like the cold snow turning in to luke warm puddles, people are starting to melt. People are wearing less clothing so we look like humans again and not puffy polar bears. People are wearing sunglasses because we actually want to be outside long enough to have to block our eyes. People are strolling instead of racing to destinations with fists punched in their coat pockets. People are smiling. People are happy. People are unthawing.

It makes us not so "frost-bitter" about some of the more challenging things in everyday life.

Sure. This warmth is probably going to last for, I'd say, a weekend. It will go all negative million degrees, gray, snow, freeze and our winter coats with have our fists in the pockets again. But it's just nice not to feel so numb.

You should feel this. You really should be feeling this.

So a week from today will be my favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. Two things: 1) Stop yucking. 2) Seriously, stop yucking.

Ever since I was a kid, I've loved the holiday. As I've mentioned before. I like mail. I like candy. I like a day where people are forced to realize we have this amazing ability to be able to express our affections for each other. We may as well have a day of fun to do so.

But this year, I'm taking a different approach. I've decided to go on many dates... with my friends.

In love we spend so much of our time looking for the ones that will fulfill us. We go on dates. We get frustrated. We get hurt. We get stood up. We get all those things that make us think that Valentine's Day is a lame day that single people should totally hide from.

For the next two weeks I have been setting up dinners, drinks, movies, or quick ice cream socials with the people that I believe are my soul mates. These are the people who have given me all the time I needed to be a messy emotional Byron when a messy emotional Byron was all that was available. These were the people who let me sleep in their beds when I was lonely and figuring things out. These were the people who bought me wine and drank with me while we planned out our futures that often involved looking back at the these times and saying things like: "Geez, remember when we were so..." These are the people I would do the exact same thing for in a millisecond.

These are the people that I am in love with.

Unless someone bribes me with sushi and Sweet Mandi B cupcakes. Then we can have a different kind of date.

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom called Chicago, a beautiful girl named Beth fell in love with a dashing young man named Ryan.

"It was something I totally didn't expect!" Beth tells me over a shared spicy tuna roll a few weeks ago. "I mean, we were at this work function and he was a friend of a friend. He was wearing a suit and his smile and... everything about him was perfect!"

Well, the beautiful girl went on many lovely dates with the dashing Ryan. His thoughtful text messages, splendid dinner dates, and his clever kisses enchanted her.

Click here to read the rest!

It's funny because Facebook is one of those things that you think "oh, I'll totally put this on Facebook and everyone will see it and then we'll move on to..." and then I go: Oh, wait, some people actually do ignore Facebook in their every day lives and don't get to see half the things I post there. Not that I'm saying I'm all important and that you should know what I'm posting on Facebook every three seconds or that you're even missing out on anything that good on Facebook. I'm not that important. God, I'm not important at all. I'm just talking about Facebook here.

Anyway, there are these "tag" things people can do. Basically, if you're tagged you fill out these surveys and then post it and everyone can read it and the world continues to madly, you know, move on.

But one has been super popular. It basically goes like this: List twenty-five unknown facts about you... only twenty-five. Now, many people probably got this done in, like, six seconds, right? You know, just randomly slapped some stuff down about their first dog or how much they hate filling out surveys, but because I'm a... well... let's just call it what it is, a dork, I took a lot of time on this. There were reasons a) I didn't want to spill all the beans about me b) I wanted it to be interesting and c) twenty-five things that define you... well, that's just tough. But I did it... and now you know more about me than you knew before. Is that possible with a blog? Is that possible when you are constantly spilling everything to everyone... even people you don't know read this? Hi, strangers!

The answer: Yes. Why. Yes. It. Is. (And the funny thing is, if I were going on a date... this would be, like, valid password worthy information that would win me over... I like people who cheat on tests. Consider this the answer book.)

In case you're interested, here's the list:

1.I was named after a M.A.S.H. actor, B.J. Honeycutt. My parents loved the name B.J. and were content leaving my name initials until my grandma said she refused to have a grandson named after letters. So my parents randomly selected my name from a baby book. I was not named after a poet, though, in college I told everyone I was. I also DESPISE anyone that mocks what my initials can also stand for. I get it: Blow job. Ha. Try hearing that joke almost fifteen years of your life.

2. I was given a stuffed dog named Henry the day I was born. I still have him. He's twenty- six-years-old and is the only thing in my life that has followed me wherever I have gone.

3. I use to be a vegetarian for seven years. Then I got mono. My doctor called me an idiot (literally). My ex-boyfriend introduced me to Chicken, again. Two months later I was eating burgers. I wouldn't go back if I could.

4. I have never gotten a cavity in my life. This is why I actually enjoy going to the dentist. This is also why I am strangely obsessed with my teeth.

5. Valentine's Day is and always will be my favorite holiday. It's because a) I love getting mail b) the idea that you get to be gushy on an actual day for fun blows me away c) I always liked it when boys had to give other boys Valentine's in grade school. Such a progressive holiday. If you do not like this holiday, do not tell me. Humor me. I get it, it's a Hallmark made-up holiday. But when you think about it, so is Christmas.

6. I will dance at any wedding. Any. I will make a spectacle because that, truly, is the only reason why I will go to a wedding. I want to dance with your entire family and then request "Crazy in Love" to dance to alone. It's my thing. Let it go. This, though, makes me an amazing wedding date.

7. I am the biggest procrastinator, but only produce my best work when I am under pressure. This is the reason why I already have a few gray hairs at twenty-six. I also think salt and pepper is sexy on a guy and that is why I am OK with this.

8. If you ask me out or flirt with me via text message, you will not get a date. Period.

9. I will NEVER date anyone with my brother's name, Brandon. It's weird.

10. I grew up on a street with my brother as the only other boy and ten other girls. This may explain a few things... such as why I know an entire dance routine to Tiffany's " I think We're Alone Now".

11. I'm an easy crier, though, I will hide and pretend I'm not crying for as long as I possibly can. I've also been told I am too sensitive for my own good.

12. I can be one of the gayest dudes one second and one of the toughest men the next. This surprises people every time they see it.

13. Currently my hobbies and career and passions are the same: byronflitsch.com , boysfromjupiter.com , storiesandwine.com ,UR Chicago Magazine

14. I have three dream careers and all three of them involve being famous: A rock star, a travel show host, a famous writer.

15. I am sickly obsessed with paper, notebooks, envelopes, fonts, colors, stationary, and journals.

16. I have almost fifty filled journals in a box in the back of my closet. They started when I was eleven and are still being collected.

17. I can sing to every Alanis Morissette song from Jagged Little Pill. Word. For. Word.

18. I can also perfectly quote lines from Home Alone, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Strangers With Candy, and Sex and the City. Go ahead, try me.

19. It is my plan to hit every continent before 30. That includes Antarctica. I've done four already.

20. I will try anything twice. I never regret this.

21. I repeatedly have moments where I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, look around my apartment and realize: Holy shit, I'm an adult... I pay my own money for all of this. This is really cool.

22. I also have these moments where I realize how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life, the opportunities I have been given, and the time I am able to be healthy... if I ever lose this ability to have these realizations, I don't want to live anymore.

23. I don't have a religion yet. I think all of them seem nice. When I say this to some people they smile. When I say this to other people... they seem nervous. I like it when people get nervous from things I am confident about.

24. Hemingway, Kafka, Orwell and Steinbeck changed the way I looked at writing for the rest of my life.

25. I want the picket fence (Well, more like a Dwell Magazine modern glass enclosure with floor to ceiling windows and eco-friendly interiors, but still with the whole husband/1.5 kids/perfect dog thing)... I just don't want it right now.